Too Much Fun
by awesomesockes
Summary: After another reckless night of substance abuse and partying, Happy finds his boss in a bad state. (TW: mention of drug use, blood, vomit. Sick Tony Stark) (Pre-series, set in early 2000s)


It wasn't unusual for his boss to suddenly go missing halfway through the night. As a matter of fact, it was actually pretty common for Tony to run off with some hot supermodel after a few shared drinks and some professional flirting at an event like this. But when Happy spotted the woman Tony had been chatting up all night standing with some other gentleman at the bar, he began to worry.

Normally, Tony would shoot Happy a text telling him not to wait around if he had other plans, but tonight the Head of Security got nothing.

From the poor information Happy is able to gather from the rather intoxicated party guests, Tony was last seen walking toward the restrooms, though no one could really recall how long ago that was. Up until Tony's disappearance, the party was uneventful—mundane, even—but now Happy's mind is beginning to run through all sorts of horrific scenarios.

"Boss?" Happy asks as he enters the deserted west wing bathroom. This is the only location left before he's been through the entire building. "You in here?" he adds hopefully.

"'appy?" A familiar voice calls weakly from the stall furthest from the entrance. Happy is beside the door in an instant.

"I've been looking everywhere for you! You alright?" Happy is trying his best not to sound too worried; Tony hates it when he overreacts.

It takes a little while for Tony to respond, which does nothing to help quell the panic that's been steadily growing in Happy's gut for the better part of the last hour.

"Don' know..." his boss slurs.

"Alright. I'm coming in," Happy annonces as he pushes the door open. To his great surprise and luck, he finds it unlocked. But the pitiful sight revealed before him catches him off guard. He freezes briefly.

"Christ, Tony..." Happy says, running a hand through his hair.

Tony is sitting on the closed toilet lid, looking like he's not sure exactly how he got there. His skin is pale and sweaty and his breathing is rapid. Blood is flowing from both nostrils, dripping down his chin to mix with the vomit soaking into his shirt. His tie is crooked and the expensive blazer he's wearing hangs loosely over one shoulder. From the looks of it, Tony's pants didn't make it unpunished through the puking either.

"'m sorry..." he mumbles. "Think I might've overdone it... a bit." His head lolls to the side, colliding with the wall with a small 'thud' that doesn't seem to faze him.

"Oh, you think?" Happy retorts. Being careful to avoid the mess on the floor, he steps into the stall and closes the door behind him. At least Tony had the decency to pick the handicapped stall to fall apart in, giving them a bit more space. "Have you been in a fight or something?" he demands, ripping off a few feet of toilet paper and holding them to Tony's nose in an attempt to stop the bleeding. As Tony leans his head back, Happy can see that his pupils are blown to twice their size and his gaze is unfocused. Happy presses his lips into a thin line—he knows exactly where this is going.

"Pretty 'ure 's from the nose candy," Tony answers slurring his words and offering a lopsided smile. But nothing about this is funny. "Memory's a little…" He waves a hand next to his head. "Fuz'y."

Happy doesn't answer, just rips off another handful of toilet paper. He's got the bleeding in the left nostril under control, but the right one is still going. Tony's substance abuse is nothing new—not to him, Pepper, or the media—but that doesn't make the situation any better. At least Tony seems to know he fucked up this time.

"This won't stop bleeding," Happy says after tossing the third handful of bloody tissue into the bin. "How much have you had to drink?"

Tony shrugs. "A few." There's a pause, then a giggle. "A lot."

Happy huffs out a sigh. He guides Tony's uncoordinated hand up to his nose. "Hold this," he commands. "We need to clean you up so I can take you home."

"But I don't wanna go home," Tony wines, trying to sit up a little straighter.

"Tough luck," Happy grumbles squeezing Tony's fingers to add more pressure to his nose.

After that, Tony stays quiet while Happy does his best to try to get his boss more presentable for the short walk out of the building by wiping away the worst of the vomit from his clothes and brushing his hair back to its original position. But all there is to work with is sandpaper-like toilet paper and Happy is pretty sure not even the best dry cleaner in town would be able to save Tony's shirt.

"Is Pepper still here?" Tony asks after a little while. He's blinking slowly at the crimson-soaked tissue in his hand. At least the nosebleed seems to have slowed down.

Happy frowns. "Pepper was never here, Tony."

Tony moves his gaze from his own hand to stare at Happy. "Oh," he says, sounding surprised. "Uhm…" He clears his throat. "Wh-Where are we, exactly?"

Happy's frown deepens. "We're in Toluca Lake." He presses the back of his hand to Tony's sweaty forehead. "At a party. You had a little too much fun, remember?"

"Oh, yeah." Tony nods clumsily. "That's right," he adds, followed by a giggle.

Happy sighs again, wishing they were anywhere besides this godforsaken stall. This situation would have been much easier to deal with at home. Or at a hospital, for that matter—Happy's still not sure that's off the table. He's seen Tony in some ugly situations before, but this one probably takes the cake.

"Hmm, you're cold," Tony mumbles, leaning further into Happy's touch.

"Yeah. Think you're running a fever," Happy remarks. He releases his hand, causing Tony's chin to drop to his chest. Happy starts undoing Tony's ruined tie, making a mental note to take a bath in sanitizer once they're out of here.

"Hey... that's African silk," Tony complains, weakly attempting to push the hand away.

"Maybe you should have thought of that before you went out and snorted half the city's cocaine stash," Happy deadpans. He tugs the tie out from Tony's shirt collar and tosses it into the trash can to join the blood-stained wads of paper. For a second, he wonders what the cleaning staff might think went on in here.

"Bitch please," Tony mutters. "This is LA. 's got more snow than the North Pole..."

"Thanks, that's very reassuring," Happy huffs, pulling Tony to his feet under his arms. But as soon as Tony is standing upright he pales and sways dangerously, so Happy keeps his hold on him.

"Shit..." Tony moans and swallows hard. "Shouldn't have done that last blow."

"You gonna be sick?" Happy asks looking over his friend. Tony draws his eyebrows together looking like he's considering his options before nodding weakly. "Alright, we can deal with that," Happy breathes out and carefully spins Tony around to face the toilet he was just sitting on.

Happy flips open the lid a mere second before Tony is leaning over the bowl and retching. It's mostly liquid by this point, followed by a few rounds of dry heaving causing Happy to wince in sympathy. Tomorrow won't be very fun.

Tony spits twice into the toilet before flushing the contents. "God, I'm never doing this again. The party life is over. Done. No more."

Happy smiles sadly while rubbing a supportive hand up and down Tony's back. It's not the first time Happy has heard those promises. He knows that it'll be about four days of green shakes and daily workouts before the next invitation to some extravagant festivity rolls around and they end up here again.

"And I really mean it this time," Tony adds determinedly. He wipes the back of his hand across his face.

"That's good," Happy replies, trying to sound convinced as he opens the door. "Now let's get you out of here."

Tony nods, then straightens himself upright. He manages to take one unsteady step towards the exit before he collapses forward into Happy's arms.

"Fuck," Tony breathes out into Happy's shoulder followed by a soft sob. "'m so sorry, Hap."

Happy is briefly taken aback. His boss is usually a hands-off kind of guy, especially when he isn't feeling well, so a hug was the last thing Happy was expecting. Actually, he's pretty sure Tony has never hugged him before.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," he assures, pulling Tony a little closer. "We're gonna fix this, alright? Don't worry about it."

"Yeah." Tony sniffs. "I just wanna go home."

"You sure I shouldn't drive you to the hospital?" Happy asks hopefully. "For a quick check up?"

"No. Just… home. 'M fine, I'll be fine."

"Alright," he concedes, "you're the boss."

They stay like that for a minute. At some point Happy wonders if Tony might have drifted off. It wouldn't be the weirdest position Happy had ever seen him sleep.

"You know, I'm not sure this is in my job description," he says quietly.

"Not sure I ever gave you a job description," Tony mumbles in response.

Happy chuckles. "Touché."

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